It's been a year???

Funny, i just looked and it has been almost a year since I have posted anything here. In that time i have had another baby and joined a group of ELITE demosceners (Brainstorm). What is the demoscene, well that is for another post, but I will soon explain. I am also working with a very talented and well known demoscene musician to create what we hope will be a song for the scene.I will do the lyrics and perform them, but he will write the music and perform that (and I am certain he will carry my terrible singing and lyrics. It is an honour to work with him. More on that later. For now, the kids are all in bed, and it is time for me to enjoy a long island iced tea. See you all soon.

What's new?

So it has been even longer this time than the time between my last 2 posts. I really am not good at this whole blogging thing. I don't update regularly, at all. I saw that my last post I had mentioned that I was battling some high blood pressure. Well, the blood pressure won and I have been on bedrest since the last week of July. At this point, I am 32 weeks and 4 days today and have about 6 1/2 weeks to go. It has been rough - who ever gets bed rest with 3 kids. But we are making it. Baby is healthy and that is all that matters. We did determine that it is a little girl and we will name her Emily Denise - the family name that we spoke of in my last post. We are awaiting a call from the surgery desk to schedule her arrival, and hope to know more shortly.

Everyone else is doing well and though this was short, I hope to post more later tonight - time to get my oldest off the school bus from kindergarten.

Been a while

So, it's been a while since I have posted. Lots has happened since February. Lets recap the big things. Andy's test results came back fine and he has a clear bill of health, with the exception of IBS, which we are managing to control a bit right now. We took our trip to England and had a wonderful time visiting with family and dropping they news that we were expecting. We are now 18 weeks along and doing well. The morning sickness has subsided, for the most part, I am still fatigued and fighting high blood pressure, but so far we are out of the woods. Baby's heart rate is good, of course I continue to lose weight. Which again doesn't pose a problem at this stage and is pretty common for me. Our next big day is June 15th when we have our next ultrasound and will discover whether we are expecting a baby boy, or a baby girl. Either will make us very happy. We have also determined that this will be our final biological child though if God wishes for us to raise more children, we are certainly open to adoption and would be more than happy if that is the course laid out before us. The new baby's name will also begin with an E - we have a girls name, a family name that fits, but we are stuck on boys names. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

So, Today I got some very exciting news. I went into my OBGYN for a follow up for some cysts that I have been following. It has decreased in size that was was very good news. After a blood draw, and about a 2 hour wait, they called to confirm what I already knew. I am now officially expecting baby #4! I am so excited, and so scared at the same time. You know, the new Mom scared, where you wonder if the baby is going to be okay. That is all I want - a healthy baby! We will be telling my family this weekend and waiting until we go to England in April to tell my husband's family in person. They tested my HCG level today it was 55.8% and they will retest it in 48 hours and than once I reach 2000 iu/l we will have an ultrasound. That way we will have a picture to show to everyone in England. We hesitate to tell anyone in case something goes wrong, but we have no reason to believe it will. I guess no-one thinks that they will until they do, and than that all changes. I pray that we won't have that to deal with.

We await my Andy's testing next week to figure out what is going on with his stomach and I pray that all remains well. God is Good and truly knows the desires of our hearts. Amen!

Been a while.......

So it has been a while since I have last posted. There has been a lot going on and time just got away from me. We had 2 of our babies turn 5 within the last few weeks, so that was exciting - in case that looks weird - my stepson and my daughter are the same age - exactly 1 week apart, so they both turned 5 recently. My mother had to have a cardiac procedure done yesterday, but thank God, it was nothing. The latest is that my husband is having some issues that we are tackling head on, and though it is scary, and I will share more later, and only what he allows me to, I am confident God will bring us through this as well.

We made a decision a few weeks ago that we are going to bite the bullet (even though we really can't afford to) and take a trip to England. My husband's grandmother is not well, and we need to get to see her. This brings up a few issues - we cannot afford to take all of the children, but we also have no-where to leave the baby for a 2 week trip. My mother works so she can not have her. My stepson will stay with his Mom, while my 2 from my first marriage stay between my parents (on weekends), his parents and his place. We have decided to take the baby, mainly because we have no-where to leave her and because we do not need to pay for a ticket for her - she is under 2 and will be on our laps for the 8 hour plane ride to England. A few days after we made up our minds that we were going, we got word from England that Nana had a heart attack and was in the hospital. It appears that she is going to pull through as she is doing much better, but is dealing with other things on top of it. She was also diagnosed with MRSA yesterday, I am asking for prayer that she heal and recouperate so that we can spend loads of time with her whilst we are over. So I am excited and terrified all at the same time. I have never flown this far, nor been away from my babies for this long, so please pray for me as well.

In other news, we have had more cutbacks at our work, and it is not going over well. I have not been effected directly, but lots of friends and associates have and that is a hard one for the team to take. Because the positions in our department have not been effected, there are a lot of forced smiles and a lot of tension, so please also pray for that situation. God be real to all of us!

Babies

So, I have been following a few blogs - www.jennasjourneyblog.blogspot.com go Brayden - I hope he will be coming home this week. He is now trying to eat a bottle, and he is awake and off all his meds - PRAISE GOD! I also follow www.kellyskornerblog.com - Little Harper is improving as well, they have reduced the amount of oxygen and she is doing so good. I pray that she will be off her oxygen completely by weeks end and in her mommy's arms. Once again - GO GOD! And last, but certainly not least, I follow www.audreycaroline.blogspot.com which is the one that brought me to the others and the one that inspired me to blog myself. I don't hope to be as "good" at blogging as Angie, or Kelly, or Jenna, but I pray that my blog relates to someone - makes one person feel connected to other's out there. These blogs of course tug at the heartstrings of most people, especially mommies, but they also display the glory of God. How else could a mother watch day after day, as her little one, that she carried, is poked, and prodded, and wake up every morning wondering if this will be your last one with them. And how else to you explain that a mother can only hold her child for a few hours before she reliquishes her to return home to her heavenly father. Those pains are unbearable, yet these women, and many others out there, are still living, and are still faithful. That gives me hope - hope that I too can love my God despite the "wrongs" in my life. That my faith can continue to grow even in the face of troubled times. That I can walk closer to my God and be closer with Him at the end of the day. So to these women, who give me hope and peace I say Thank you for sharing your lives. For opening up so much that others can yearn to have what you have with our Father. God Bless all of you!

Unavoidable Sadness

Not sure where I am headed with this today. I have been very emotional the last few days and I think a lot of it has to deal with the fact that I want so badly to be pregnant right now. We were trying for a little while, but than we decided to hold off for a bit due to all the issues with the economy and our personal financial situation. My husband has his head about him in this situation. I mean, I know that it is the best decision right now, to wait, but well to put it simply - I don't want to! I want to be pregnant now - have something to look forward to in the midst of all the stress and unhappiness surrounding everyone right now - but I also know that it would put more stress on both of us. I thought maybe I was pregnant, but I found an extra test under the sink (one from when we were trying) and I took it yesterday and it was negative, so I have been in a mood since. I haven't really told Andy (my husband) cause I know where he stands, and I agree, but it still doens't mean it's easy.

There are a lot of things in my life I need to be better at. I need to be a better Christian, a better mother, wife, lover, friend. I feel as though I have failed at lots of those roles lately. I need to help lead this family better, and quit being so "selfish" I guess is the word. I can't say no to anyone, and I have come to realize that that doesn't actually make me a better person. It some instances, it makes me irresponsible. I promise things I can't deliver, or I do things without thinking about what the consequence on the other side might be. I am terrible with money, and I don't know how to fix it. I know what the first step is, and that is doing what I have been putting off all week! So pray that I get what it is that I need to get done today, to start our new process (oh, and i should do some laudry as well, and get dinner ready). God Bless.